| Defending your point of view can use up a | | | | row that divided a group I met on holiday. |
| lot of your precious energy. As much as 90% | | | | It began as a lightheartded chat about a |
| of our available energy can be used in this | | | | particular movie. It soon became a heated |
| way.If you do this a lot, stop doing it and | | | | row. The people who liked it thought there |
| see for yourself. You'll probably feel | | | | must be something wrong with the people who |
| energised, not to mention liberated.Sometimes | | | | didn't. And vice versa.I'm not going to say |
| it's necessary to 'defend your view'. If | | | | what the movie was, I don't want to start |
| someone is trying to persuade you to do | | | | another row! However, I arrived on the beach |
| something you don't want to do either walk | | | | the next day day to find them all 'fuming' |
| away or say the minimum. Such as "No."People | | | | about this ongoing disagreement. They asked |
| respect a simple "no", as long as it's said | | | | if I'd liked the movie. Actually I'd loathed |
| with conviction. Or you can be polite and | | | | it, but said it just hadn't appealed to me, |
| say "No thanks". Just leave out the "No, | | | | and I hadn't really thought about why....I |
| but..." as this leaves an opening for the | | | | wasn't going to say another thing...I'd |
| persuader to get back in to try and | | | | learned by too many mistakes.If they'd asked |
| 'convince' you.An example is that an | | | | me in the heat of the row it would have been |
| ex-partner always wanted me to go skiing. I | | | | wise to say I hadn't seen it! After all, |
| hated it but he was always trying to persuade | | | | whatever they thought or said would not |
| me of its merits. This resulted in many | | | | change the fact I hadn't liked it.That's the |
| tiring arguments where I defended my views on | | | | crucial point. Nothing anyone said would |
| why I disliked it and he defended his views | | | | have changed my experience of that film. |
| on why he did.It was exhausting, I felt as if | | | | People's views are more often changed by |
| I was in court and had to come up with a good | | | | experience, rather than persuasion.It doesn't |
| reasons not to ski!Finally I realised that | | | | matter if it's ice-creams, cars, clothes, |
| all it took was a simple, but emphatic "No". | | | | holidays, that are being discussed.You know |
| He skied, while I enjoyed the apres ski | | | | what you like, you know what you don't like. |
| without the ski...bliss!If you're not | | | | And that's enough. The more we respect the |
| defending your right not to do something that | | | | point of view of others the more they respect |
| you don't want it's even easier. | | | | ours.Janet trained as a Professional Stress |
| | | | Consultant. She owns the website which |
| As soon as defending your view stops being | | | | offers lots of free tips for enhancing your |
| pleasant then just stop.I can remember a huge | | | | health, happiness and beauty. |